


Fire Emblem: Three Houses 3am Headcanons

by Pretzle05



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Gen, Headcanon, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm so sorry, Marijuana, Please Forgive me, dumb shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-24 01:09:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20017795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pretzle05/pseuds/Pretzle05
Summary: Just a compilation of random headcanons I think up while playing Fire Emblem at 3am. Please comment if there's anything you'd like me to write about. Please request. Even if you think it's stupid. Especially if you think it's stupid.





	Fire Emblem: Three Houses 3am Headcanons

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on the request where Rhea wants you to gives "herbs" to your students to "relieve their troubles" because you CANNOT tell me they weren't weed. I am so sorry this exists. If by some miracle you happen to enjoy this shitshow or want more, please leave a comment.

Black Eagles:

  * About half of the house is pretty big on Saying No To Drugs™.
  * This includes Edelgard, Ferdinand, Hubert, and Caspar.
  * Hubert only Says No To Drugs™ because Edelgard does.
  * Dorothea is Garreg Mach's resident dealer.
  * She makes absolute BANK selling to the Golden Deer, among others.
  * Bernadetta is always so freaking stressed all the fucking time. Weed is the only thing keeping her remotely sane at this point.
  * Linhardt is a seasoned stoner.
  * This child is ALWAYS high.
  * He grows pot and supplies it to Dorothea. He gets a cut of all her sales.
  * When Byleth walks into class one day with a bag of "herbs" from Rhea, he nonchalantly reaches over and opens a panel in the floor, revealing a vault FILLED with medieval Cheetos and shit.
  * "I've got your back, Professor."
  * He brings all the smoking paraphernalia.
  * Linhardt got Caspar to try some once, but he hated it.
  * He's way too energetic to enjoy the lethargy of being stoned.
  * Ever since he has Said No To Drugs™.
  * Petra would smoke pot if she was coaxed into it, but she's not super into it.
  * Edelgard is extremely concerned by the Linhardt and Bernadetta's rampant drug usage.



Blue Lions:

  * Most of the house Says No To Drugs™.
  * They're too chivalrous and shit.
  * Except for Sylvain. He'll smoke some if there are cute girls involved.
  * While his willingness to partake depends solely on how many girls there are, his desire to smoke is constant, and it's not very high.
  * Pretty much the whole house is disgusted by how much the Golden Deer common room reeks of the stuff.



Golden Deer:

  * Everyone is down.
  * Claude and Hilda convinced everyone else to try it, and now it's almost a bonding ritual.
  * They all just pile up in the common room or Claude's room and get stupid high.
  * Claude doesn't actually smoke any, he just watches everybody else's stupid shenanigans and laughs about it. He secretly stores away anything particularly embarrassing for blackmail and teasing purposes.
  * Hilda makes weed brownies, and she and Claude convince everyone they're not nearly as potent as they are.
  * Lorenz makes a big show of Saying No To Drugs™, but he gives in eventually.
  * He can't figure out how to smoke it and keeps doing it wrong, so he has to stick to Hilda's brownies and cookies.
  * The second it's even mentioned, Raphael bolts to the dining hall and comes back with massive armfuls of snacks,
  * Marianne is kind of a closet stoner. This poor child is almost as stressed as Bernadetta.
  * Ignatz was going to Say No To Drugs™, but Raphael convinced him that he needs the stress relief.
  * Leonie was a little hesitant at first, but when Byleth offhandedly commented that Jeralt liked to smoke the occasional joint during their mercenary days she pretty much devours an entire tray of pot brownies.
  * Lysithea is just happy to be invited, as doing pot is a Grown Up activity.
  * Hilda manages to coerce her into trying a cookie, though, saying they're not that strong.
  * This is a boldfaced lie, and Lysithea is probably the most stoned out of all of them.
  * There's definitely a ton of snacks to fend off the munchies.
  * Byleth neither condones nor condemns this behavior, but they did join them once.
  * They just kind of leaned against the wall the whole time, quietly smoking their blunt.
  * Overall, everyone has a pretty good time.




End file.
